my sisters under your porch take her home
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize