Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
