Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
