Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
