Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
