youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
