Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
