My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
