R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
