nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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