I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
