I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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