she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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