In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
