judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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