so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
