well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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