I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
