i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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