oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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