Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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