your thong is hanging out like whoa
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
