the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I want her autograph on my taint
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
