Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
