I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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