Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
