Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
