I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
