Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
