you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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