I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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