we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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