batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
