He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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