There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
