Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
