there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
