Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
