can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
