Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize