I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
