worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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