just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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