You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
