i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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