I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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