I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
