I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
