I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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