My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
