At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
