am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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