i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
