u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize