let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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