She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
