she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
