the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
