somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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