no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
