guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
