If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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