When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
