STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize