Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
