she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
