It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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